(cont from part 2)
I did not ask rather I tried to remain hard-hearted and contributed only sparsely to the conversation as we ate.
We went to the cinema after there and there I totally melted into him again. The movie we saw helped in that wise. Because we laughed and talked about it together. We went to other places including the mall to shop for my family but what I was mainly happy about was that we were together.
But as the day came to an end, as he drove me home I could not help thinking about his unfaithfulness.
“And with a married woman, Oscar. A married woman,” I said suddenly.
“Baby, I said I’m sorry. We were quite close in the university.” He pause then continued, “and she seduced me.”
That hit me. “Don’t you think you should have more willpower than that? I still can’t believe you could…do it, with a married woman. It’s so disgusting, Oscar. It makes me wonder who it’s going to be next. Is it going to be your best teacher in primary school?”
“Pat, you really don’t have to insult me like that.”
“I’m sorry. I just wish you wouldn’t cheat on me!” I screamed uncontrollably at him and then burst into tears.
“I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry. You just have to understand that I love you, and I’ll always love you.” What he said had little effect on me so he added, “I will try my best to be true to you I promise.”
His promise was not good enough to me but it was all I could get now. And so our relationship continued.
The next one came only about a month after the married strumpet. She was his sister’s friend and I caught them in bed together. I was not shocked, I just grew weak and sat down on the floor close to his room door and kept crying even as she dressed up and left. As she left, as he was begging, I wished her leaving would signify the leaving of all the other women we would likely cheat on me with, in our lives and I told him so. As he begged I just jugged him and cried into his shoulder. I decided that I would be angry with him later. Right then I needed comfort. I needed my tears on someone’s shoulder and the shoulder had to be his since I was not telling anyone about his cheating. I felt I didn’t have to tell anyone what transpired between me and the man I hoped to get married to. I told myself that I would let him succor me now but I would be angry with him later but the anger never came.
I then decided that I would not be weak anymore, maybe my weakness was the genesis of my problem. I decided that I would disgrace any woman I saw with him again.
So the next time I caught him – I found them in his room and she was sitting on his laps giggling half dressed – I poured out the anger of the past women I had borne on her. I beat her as much as Oscar let me because he was trying to separate us. I then dragged her out in her half dressed state. I then sat in the sitting room fuming as Oscar begged after he had given her her clothes.
He called himself names while I thought. Where did I go wrong? Was I handling things the right way? Maybe I should just forgive him now in a way I had never done before. And I did. I smiles at him and hugged him. He was forgiven.
I became very confused over Oscar because his unfaithfulness just continued. There was at least one woman every month. And he always apologized. Nothing changed. The only thing that changed was the women.
Even his proposal was a form of apology. I should have walked out on him for asking me to marry him while apologizing but I just could not. I could not turn down a proposal which was many women’s dream. And I could not refuse to marry the man I loved. And so I agreed to marry Oscar three days after I caught him with another woman.
Wedding preparations were ongoing but he kept cheating and cheating and cheating. I was gradually loosing my sanity and confidence.
I knew I had to do something. I was not strong enough to continue nonchalantly. And so I decided to marry him strictly because I loved him.
I would marry him and be as free as a bird. As he pursued skirts I would succumb to the trousers that followed me. I would do as I liked despite my ring.
Maybe he would realise himself when we get married; maybe another woman would poison me just to eradicate me to have him; maybe I would find true love and leave him. Who knows.
But my love decision was my final decision, and definitely a wrong decision.